Päiväkirja - madaboutmoose, 01 joulu 12

We've been deluged by rain lately but right now there are a few north Idaho temptations outside (small but visible sections of blue sky)!! They won't last long but nice to see the blue.

I'm doing okay I suppose given the circumstances. Somehow, not quite sure how, but I have stayed on track with food. I didn't exercise yet today ... had a stiff neck and upper back when I went to bed last night that was still bugging me this morning. So, I've debated whether or not I want to exercise and still haven't decided at nearly noon here. Hubby just got up so I fixed him some breakfast. He is working nights these days so we don't see a lot of each other during the week.

I've been trying to read up on metastatic prostate cancer and it is difficult to do. The medical field has nothing but negative news to share and toxic treatments that "extend" life but my question is at what price. Also been reading things hubby has been looking into from a naturalistic/alternative point of view. That is also difficult for me as I find myself skeptical ... but I'm skeptical of traditional medicine too so there you go.

It is just difficult to keep my thoughts and feelings in balance right now. Did fine with work. I'm clearly functioning fairly well. But I can quickly be overcome with feelings of doom and gloom and tears. They come and they go as I would imagine is "normal" with what we are looking at.

I do know that eating to make myself "feel" better simply isn't an option. Oh I can eat some things ... but I need to eat from hunger and be able to pay attention to my hunger cues not my need to anesthetize my feelings. I have gained far too much weight and I am not happy about it. Of course ... I did it ... no one else made me eat those high calorie foods. And I know I can take it off and regardless of what happens with my husband's health I will be more comfortable in my own skin, healthier myself ... that's what I keep trying to tell myself.

Today ... I am grateful ...

My husband texts me the sweetest things and he swore he would NEVER text!!!

I have a roof over my head.

I found some great bargains at Safeway yesterday and saved $98!!!

I do not have to go to work for two days.

Take care.

---

802 kcal

Rasva: 24,44g | Prot: 79,58g | Hh: 72,77g.   Aamiainen: Low Fat Mayonnaise Dressing, Velveeta Cheese Slices, Egg, Whole Wheat Sandwich Thins. Lounas: Low Fat Mayonnaise Dressing, Whole Wheat Sandwich Thins, Turkey Meatloaf. lisää...

2918 kcal

Harjoitus: Istuminen - 4 tuntia, Kotityöt - 1 tunti, Pilates - 30 minuuttia, Lepo - 10 tuntia ja 30 minuuttia, Nukkuminen - 8 tuntia. lisää...