Päiväkirja - madaboutmoose, 07 joulu 12

I must admit. The snow is pretty. It is December and there should be some snow.

Blue seems to be completely back to his old self. He jumped up on the bed early this morning to curl up and sleep in his dad's spot. Due to the snow DH didn't arrive home until after I was up and about this morning. That meant I had the pleasure of fixing him something to eat before he went to bed AND did not have time for my Pilates. I'm okay with that trade-off ... especially because I got hugs and kisses and an "I miss you" from my DH.

I am happy it is Friday. This has been a tough week for me. Clients have a lot going on in their lives as do I. Doubly good that it is payday. Triply good because last night I learned our youngest will be able to come home for Christmas. We might even have our middle home join us for Christmas Eve dinner. That hasn't happened for YEARS ... even though he lives in the same small town we do. He called on Thanksgiving ... wishing to get back in contact with the family (after a lot and I mean A LOT of drama over the past years). It is interesting to me that both our older children have come back into our lives after long absences ... even though they know nothing of DH's current cancer condition. It is almost as if it was scripted that way. It has its benefits and detriments ... but I'm riding the roller-coaster and trying to hold on the best I can.

Another dip in the scale today which was nice. I'm not sure at what point I'll begin to feel as if I will be successful. I'm not there yet. I have managed to stay away from the Mrs. Field's cookies so far. Of course I can eat them anytime I want. Simply add the calories to my calorie counter. I certainly could afford A SINGLE cookie. My fear is that I'll get that sweet taste in my mouth and want MORE!! That is my MO. Always has been. So I'll wait until I feel ready to have ONE (white chocolate macadamia nut cookie of course!!!).

I do have travel on my agenda today to home visits. The highways seem pretty good so it should be okay. It is snowing but only lightly so I hope that holds.

I have been seriously thinking I need to scale back my committments. While I am certainly still effective in my work and am doing "okay" emotionally I feel as if I am holding on by a thin thread. My dearest friend kindly told me I need to strengthen that thread by trimming my committments. I'm the type of woman who truly believes she "should" and "can" do it all. I am also not the best in the world at taking care of me. My participation in AIMEARLYIDAHO is the place I think I will trim back ... we have a board meeting coming up on Tuesday so I have a few more days to ponder how much to step back. The funny thing is I keep thinking "why?" I mean DH is "healthy" right now, he's likely not to die very soon ... so I "should" be able to just keep doing everything I have been doing, right? There's that "should" again.

In the midst of this amazing journey of life even with the chaos and saddness still ... I am grateful ...

* for the beauty of freshly fallen snow
* for "I miss you" from my DH
* for friends who dare to tell me what they really think
* for my mother
* for the distraction of work ... sometimes it stresses me out ... sometimes it helps

Take care ...

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1675 kcal

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