A small part in my book: it is initially written in Dutch so pardon me for the poor translation, but i think this part really reflects how tense i am at times...
"I have a surprise for you ," said the emperor , " I'd like to show you one of our ways to find the balance in our lives. " He took prince Tom back to two tables with white towels over it , there was a curtain between the two tables that could be closed, but they where open now . The emperor climbed on the table and layed down on his stomach with his head straight down . Tom looked surprised , he climbed up beside the Emperor at his own table and saw there was a hole in the table on the spot where his head was supposed to go . Tom put his head in it and waited to see what would happen . He saw the feet of the emperors elderly mother , and she chatted incessantly , then she walked a circle around Tom , and she poked at a few points in Tom's body , Tom was not at ease and his back muscles stood tense. He noticed that he squeezed his buttocks . The old woman pressed a point under his feet , and Tom pulled his leg away . "My mom says you have to relax. " Said the Emperor with a sleepy voice . "Then she should not tickle me underfoot. " Muttered Tom and put his leg back . The ancient feet strolled off and a young girls feet walked to his table . She rubbed oil on the back of Tom . Then she held her hand on the bottom of his back and the other warm hand was held in his neck. She remained standing there for some time. Tom sighed deeply. The girl pressed her hand harder against the lower back and went with the exhalation along the spine upwards . Tom relaxed his tense back muscles . The girl massaged gently and softly along the spine down. When she arrived at the end of his tailbone Tom involuntarily strained his buttocks again. The girl caught in her motion and said something Tom did not understand. " She asks if it hurts , aaahh " said the Emperor with a blissful groan after it. " No, it's fine . Uh ... no it's fine , whatever. " Said Tom . The Emperor muttered something unintelligible , and the girl went on. This time , she stayed clear of the tailbone and Tom began to relax once more . Slowly Tom enjoyed the touch and fantasized that it was his late wife Gwendolien that did it. It came as a shock to him that Gwendolien was gone and would never do this for him. Involuntarily he tensed all his muscles and he had even trouble breathing for a while . The girl had stopped again, and said something to the emperor . The emperor did not translated but instead he said something directly to the girl , and very softly and gently she laid her hands on his back and his neck again . Tom sniffed a little . The old mother came running up grumbling and pushed the girl aside while she began to press various points in Toms back again . Grumbling to the girl. " You must relax prince Tom " the Emperor said with a soft voice that seemed to come from very far. Tom did not answer , but forced his back muscles to relax . The old woman pressed the back of his head and picked up pieces of skin on her other hand along his spine . It was a bit painful but strangely helped Tom to let the tension go . His back muscles loosend Then the old woman rudely rubbed oil on his back and with big long strokes she stroked the back muscles . Then she shook the spine gently , and her grumbling turned into a happy chatter . From the relaxation of the back, the old woman made trips to his shoulders and into his arms , and slowly helped Tom to let go off all the tension in all the muscles that she touched . Tom slowly got a floaty feeling, he thought back but could not remember having felt so relaxed in his entire life . The old woman skipped his buttocks and made a trip to his legs , his feet, she dodged the blisters in such a natural way that Tom forgot that they were even there and she kept kneading until Tom really had no more muscle under his own control . He received the miraculous feeling like he was floating outside his body . The old woman stopped and shuffled away . The young girl went back gently massaging his back , but Tom was so relaxed that he enjoyed the relaxing movements . The girl said something so softly as if she were afraid to disturb the magic. "you want to turn around ," said the emperor , with a sleepy voice that was barely audible . Tom turned to his back . The girl stood by his head and massaged his temples , bridge of his nose , eyebrows and ears . Tom felt a tear roll from the corner of his eye , but he was so relaxed that he wondered why his eye would do that . The girl massaged his neck vertebrae, his neck , shoulders and upper chest. Tom gave himself totally to the wonderful feelings , sometimes there were memories of Gwendolien but they seemed to be bubbles that bubbled up slowly and drifted away from him . The girl massaged his chest and his side and began to make slow circular movements around his belly button. Tom again felt tears welling in his eyes , but strangely kept his body completely relaxed . The girl said something , but the emperor himself gave no answer, and did not translated it for Tom . She ignored the tears and massaged quietly over his belly with the ugly scar. She picked up new oil and rubbed his loin where the large scar was where the doctor had sew his skin back together. He still had trouble using the leg. She felt like a butterfly that fluttered past his scar , lingered with her hand just above the point that still hurt. Then she put something hot and heavy at that point . Tom jumped and flexed his muscles to see what it was. There was a small smooth round stone at the center of the scar . The girl gave him a terrified look and wanted to remove the stone , but Tom put a hand to the warm stone to indicate that it was ok , he just hadn't expected it, that's all. The girl showed another stone that she had in her hands , and Tom nodded assent and reclined . The girl put two stones on his groin and Tom felt the tight itchy feeling that he always had fading away slowly . While the stones where in his loin, the girl went to massaging his feet . She again asked something softly to the emperor , but she got no answer . Very gently she massaged the top of the foot avoiding all the blisters . Tom enjoyed and let all the tension slip . The girl massaged the ankles , knees along the kneecaps and thighs Tom and then very gently stroked along the penis . Tom sat up with a jolt and pulled his knees in. The stones fell from his loin and clattered to the ground . He swallowed as he looked into the terrified eyes of the girl . He shocked himself with his reaction , why did he so oppose to her touching his penis ? memory after memory of Gwendolien engulfed him like a bucket of cold water , he dropped his head on his raised knees , put his arms around it and began to cry like a little child The emperor was awakened by the falling stones , and he also sat up. "I always find this to be very relaxing , DoiBuChi , my friend , I did not think that it would be this stressful for you ," Tom shook his head and could not suppress a new sob . " I miss her so much, I do not want to live in a world without her . "
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