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Morning. This morning was a Pilates morning. Breakfast for the two of us is done and Bob is already on his way to work. He is feeling better today I think ... yesterday he wasn't feeling well at all.
Today marks day "3" in this new leg of my journey. Unfortunately I have a retirement potluck to attend this evening, including cake from the BEST bakery in town. I'm not contributing to the potluck ... just not in the mood. We are a pretty healthy bunch though, no doubt there will be fruit and something healthy to munch on. I MUST attend. Our crew has shrunk to a very small size and this lovely woman who retired deserves a party. So I'll go, even though I ABSOLUTELY do not want to go. I'm rather in the mood for hiding under rocks these days. So I force myself to take step after step. Not so much about the weight gain as it is just life. The stresses and strains of the last couple of years have worn me out.
Yesterday though I was talking with my dearest friend who reminded me of something I knew ... and made me think about it in terms of myself. I've often mentioned the concept of "auto-pilot" but never really thought through about what that might mean in terms of my own "automatic" tendency to feed myself foods that make me feel like crap and too much of them. Neurology!!! Neural connections in my brain that were made so many decades ago and are well grooved. It isn't that I am "self-destructive" or "uncaring" about myself. It really is "auto-pilot!" Of course I've created new neural pathways, as I practice kindness, choose foods that do agree with my body, exercise, and more. Those neural pathways though are not nearly as resilient as my old ones. My old ones will NEVER disappear. I can only choose to strengthen new connections and remind myself that it isn't surprising. Talk about being kind to yourself. I could think about it in terms of depression, babies, anxiety, so much of my work but I forgot about me. Ah, yes, me.
This knowledge doesn't make it necessarily "easier." But it was helpful to consider on a bright sunny day when my mood was feeling very low.
So ... Day Three ... doing okay. It will be nice to see under 200 again but it will be here when it is and I am not stressing out about when it happens. If I ever learn this ... that this is a journey, not a destination, not a race it will be an absolute miracle!!!
Duty calls. Shower, get dressed, make lunch and head down the dusty road to town for my day. Taking time for me, in whatever way I can.
I am grateful for ...
1. My dear friend who knows me so well and always speaks to my heart
2. Blue skies and warmer temps ... even though I'm not as thrilled about it as one might think
3. Taking the time to take care of me, in simple ways
4. Hubby feeling better today
5. The cool morning air ... love, love, love the chill that settles in at night and in the wee hours of the morning.
Take care my friends. It feels good to write again. I have missed me and you!!!
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1489 kcal
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Rasva: 37,37g | Prot: 102,98g | Hh: 164,53g.
Aamiainen: corn tortilla, Singles 2% Milk Swiss, fat free cheese slice, eggs. Lounas: Sandwich Thin, fat free cheese slice, chicken breast meat. Päivällinen: baked chicken wing, boneless chicken breast. Välipalat/Muut: cake, Genuine Draft 64, Special K Protein Bar, Special K Bar Strawberry, cantaloupe, Weight Watchers Yogurt, Banana. lisää...
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3020 kcal
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Harjoitus:
Pilates - 45 minuuttia, Toimistotyö - 9 tuntia, Ajaminen - 2 tuntia, Lepo - 4 tuntia ja 15 minuuttia, Nukkuminen - 8 tuntia. lisää...
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