Päiväkirja - madaboutmoose, 31 heinä 09

Hmmm. I know you said lying is not an option do you consider not talking about numbers with him lying? Up until I started to lose weight my husband never knew my numbers. I wasnt lying, neither of us cared, well he didnt care and I was ashamed. If you stop talking numbers and he says oh wow see I told you 180 was where to stop and by that time you are 170 then you can maybe say oh well i am 170. So my suggestion for whats it worth is to stop talking numbers. You can always tell him honestly how you feel and ask him to be supportive with the condition of as long as you are not harming yourself. He sees that he has permission to step in. Good luck to you.  

I like the 'honesty is the best policy' route. I'm glad you told him your concerns. Lee hasn't always understood, but seems to now, that I'm the only one that can decide where I'm comfortable stopping. And I don't know where that is yet, either! :) 

Yogamama ... I think your strategy is a great one ... only problem is he asks me "where are you today?" I actually don't volunteer info on my weigh-in's anymore in hopes he won't ask! And we are talking thank goodness. I told him today I needed him to trust me and reassured him I wasn't going to develop an unhealthy obsession with a certain number. Thanks to the both of you for your offerings of assistance!!  

Yikes! Sorry about the previous post - I didn't reread before posting and then we went out for dinner. What I was intending to drive at was: If you have a sensible reason for the weight you want to be, then stick with it and he will get used to it. I hope the reassurances help your husband get comfortable! 

My wife does not do this to me but many many friends when they hear 172 say "Oh my you'll be gaunt" or "That's too thin"...recently a strategy that has worked is to point out other people that we know or see that are about my height 5'10" and weigh like 170-175....amazingly these people that they are used to seeing at this weight and height do not bother them at all. I really believe that this has nothing to do with people's concern or worry about what we weigh but more with their complete resistance to any kinda of change. You mentioned you hubby puts no stock in the "experts & charts". I find that people who really resist change always always ignore rational evidence that the change is good. In addition I have noticed that any change will illicit a negative response, If I say, "I am thinking of shaving my head" I get "Oh no don't do that" and if I say "I am thinking of growing a ponytail" I get...you guessed it "Oh no don't do that" Given that this is a hubby not someone you can simply ignore, why don't you really dig in to what is worrying him...we used to have a strategy called the "5 Why's" Take any issue and ask the question Why? five times...in other words..."You are concerned about me losing more weight? Why?....Because..and Why? Because and Why?...It might surprise you where you wind up...maybe he likes the way you look bigger? Maybe he's afraid you won't go out for beers? Maybe he's afraid a thinner you is more attractive to other men? Who knows but its an interesting exercise. 

abbadabba ... thanks for your re-comment ... I figured you didn't really mean to come across the way you did in your first comment! The funny thing about computers, sometimes the written word doesn't always reflect our true thoughts!! I really appreciate you clearing up your thoughts and do appreciate your input! Jim ... I like your idea. Clearly Bob is worried about something. I don't know what it is. My mom just told me he was talking to her about my weight and his big statement was "but she looks good right now." Is he resistant to change, not anymore than the average person in my opinion, in fact he likes spontaneous things. He does not like the look of very thin women, that is a fact!! His comment is always something to the effect that someone needs to take her out for a cheeseburger!!! So perhaps he is worried I will become "too thin" for his taste. I have become "insane" in the past with weight loss ... grumpy, starving, obsessed. So there might be a worry that will happen again but I've reassured him to comment on this journey and he agrees this has been smooth, healthy, none of the past starvation mode symptoms. So, we'll just keep talking and I'll keep trying to help him express his worry to me. I am not far away from my stated goal and I truly do not think a few pounds is going to make a huge difference in how I look at 5'10". It is important to me to reach 175, in fact I'm hoping for a little wiggle room below 175 ... to me the ideal would be that 175 would be at the top of my maintenance range. But I still do not know where my body will settle. I've never consistently been at this weight range that I can ever remember, at least since I started recording my weights on a semi-regular basis (past 5 years). Thanks buddies!! I'm sure it will be fine. 

Wow! What an awesome topic to introduce in your journal! I am sooooo glad you did. Many people have told me that I have "lost too much weight," that I "do not need to lose anymore," that I am "too skinny," that I am "obsessed," and even that I look "unhealthy." SIGH! As someone who INTERNALIZES LANGUAGE in a powerful manner - hence the user name 'poet' - it has been difficult to "wrestle with" and otherwise field these comments. My STRATEGY has been to nod politely, smile, and say little in return - other than these simple words. I FEEL GOOD AND THAT GOOD HEALTH IS WHAT MATTERS MOST TO ME. Then I turn away from these well wishers and turn TOWARD those whose compliments matter most. The individuals who say, "You look great, you look awesome, you are so tiny, and - most importantly - YOU LOOK HEALTHY - are the individuals to whom I listen. I also let the ringing of my INTERNAL PEP TALK drown out the sound of the rotund well wishers. The challenge in arriving at an effective strategy for YOU PERSONALLY surrounds the fact that the individual who does not think you need to lose more is your SPOUSE. That fact presents an extra obstacle because you love and respect him. Maybe my "nod and smile" technique will work. The tough part will be making your EFFORT LOOK EFFFORTLESS. Good luck! Again - extremely relevant topic. Some of my greatest critics have been Fat Secret members - those who have NEVER met me in person - who have insisted that I need not lose more! Interesting!  

I think 170-175 at 5'10" will not be "too light" and I think a he'll be able to get you out for a cheeseburger once in a while as well. Keep maintaining...and I will continue my slow decline into the 170s as well. Best  

My apologies for being so verbose in my last post! In short - if you take a GOOD HEALTH approach with your husband - he might be more receptive. Again - God bless ya - Sis! I soooooooo understand the going out for a cheese burger thing.  

LOL!!! Poet you wouldn't apologize for the verboseness of your comment had you read my journal entry this morning!! Talk about verbose!! I liked your comment about making EFFORT LOOK EFFORTLESS!! I am confident about my goals being very realistic and believe that Bob will adjust in time. His intentions, as opposed to the comments I've received from those who are not close to me, I know are from a good place in his heart. And, as far as cheeseburgers? Oh my gosh ... I'll have to remind him of the GIANT cheeseburger and onion rings we just had last weekend!!! I will NEVER be the kind of woman who can't enjoy her food!! I only want to avoid a huge gain again ... avoid buying all new clothes again ... avoid the huge "ups" and "downs" and instead find balance!!!  

I am a Libra so I am all about balance Baby! I line my freakin' tooth brushes up in a straight row. Clarification - I am not suggesting in any way that you use deception with your loving husband. I am just saying that - generally speaking - guys have a "no big deal" way of looking at nutrition and exercise. My guy does not "squawk" about what he eats or how many miles he runs. He "just does it." The less we discuss our healthy lifestyle game plan with our spouses - the simpler the process seems. That lack of marital dialogue is why I LOVE LOVE LOVE Fat Secret. It's my place to "squawk."