Päiväkirja - madaboutmoose, 10 elo 09

My weekly weigh in was on Saturday at 178.6 ... my daily weigh-in have shown gains, both yesterday and today ... but still I appear to be maintaining in my "range." Range maintenance is the way I'm trying to look at things these days, rather than being focused on one specific number. I think that is a better way for me to go rather than being subject to interpreting "failure" if I am not 175 lbs. That said, I would still like to see my range lower!! LOL!!! I've yet to see 175 on my scale ... that of course doesn't mean I won't see it I just haven't seen it yet. I keep telling myself it's okay ... I'm okay ... and overall I'm feeling fairly calm ... except of course for my nicotine cravings!! LOL!!!

One of the sweet older women here at the office, who is fond of me, offered me a doughnut this morning!! I kindly said no thank you. She wanted to know why ... since I "looked so good" ... I told her that I LOVE doughnuts so much I wasn't sure I could stop at one!! Told her without much effort I could eat the whole box. She looked at me in disbelief ... but it is true. I have done so on numerous occasions in the past. It isn't that the doughnut is "bad" ... if I felt calm enough I may have had one, or a 1/2 of one. I simply don't feel that calm right now. My fiber bar is a far wiser choice to go with my coffee.

I could probably "force" a quick drop in weight, down to that goal number, if I wanted to. Poet talked about taking DRASTIC measures. I could take DRASTIC measures ... but if doesn't feel "right" in my gut for me. The sides of my mountain are about swimming around in my range ... appreciating the length of time I have been under, and actually well under, 200 lbs. Being able to see my body with new eyes ... realizing that I do look so very different now. The longer I am able to do what I have been doing the more likely it will be that I will be able to continue doing this ... for the rest of my life. There is a piece of me that wants to throw caution to the wind ... and "be done" with all of this. I am reminded that I will NEVER "be done" ... I am a work in progress. Life is about process not product. I won't ever "arrive" ... because life is ever changing. The arrival I can see is accepting that if I desire to maintain my weight below 200 lbs that it is necessary to keep my body moving, keep track of what I eat, and stay on the scale.

Will I lose more weight? It could happen. Am I healthier than I was in January 2009 when I signed up for FatSecret? YES. Do I feel better physically and emotionally? YES. If I do not lose more weight can I be okay with that? I think so. But I think it is too soon to decide that my body has found its new balance. Six months from now perhaps I'll have a different opinion. For now ... I'm simply going to continue to put one foot in front of the other ... stay HERE ... and practice acceptance and kindness and joy. Have a wonderful day!!

---

1614 kcal

Rasva: 43,48g | Prot: 98,49g | Hh: 226,96g.   Aamiainen: Fiber One, medifast cocoa, water. Lounas: deli turkey slices, Whole Wheat Sandwich Thins, Alpine Lace Light Provolone, Yoplait Light Thick & Creamy Key Lime, Yoplait Light Thick & Creamy Lemon Meringue, 2% cottage cheese. Päivällinen: white turkey meat, Beef Flank (Lean Only, Trimmed to 0" Fat, Select Grade), avocado, cucumber, Original Iceberg Garden Salad (Zip), tomato, Feta Cheese, Newman's Balsamic Dressing, yellow sweet pepper, Perrier. Välipalat/Muut: Triscuit, Laughing Cow Light Garlic Cheese, nectarine, Yoplait Light Thick & Creamy French Vanilla, Speical K Bar - Chocolately Pretzel, Special K Protein Bar Honey Almond. lisää...

3007 kcal

Harjoitus: Precor Elliptical - 46 minuuttia, Ajaminen - 2 tuntia, Toimistotyö - 9 tuntia, Lepo - 4 tuntia ja 14 minuuttia, Nukkuminen - 8 tuntia. lisää...