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Being fat....wait... hate that word... F-a-t... a 3-letter word that does not even begin to describe the complexity and trials and tribulation of having a problem with having an issue with weighing too much.
I have been fat since I was 15. I am 34. This means I have spent 19 years of my life this way. I am resolved to change it. I am fighting an uphill battle with myself. Discipline is my Achilles heel. It's something I struggle with when I get up each morning. However, I can't give up, and I know I have written some rather depressing journal entries, the few that I have written. I struggle with feeling confident in my ability to beat this condition that has stolen the person I ought to know. I really don't think I know who I am because she's buried by a deep depression of guilt, shame, reluctance, lack of strength, lack of self worth.... Every day is another day to pretend to be who I think I am but not really knowing who the hell I am. People don't even see the real me. How could they? She's too scared to show herself.
Having been diagnosed with two hormonal disorders this year ignited fear and relief. I have been struggling to deal with one of them because I must eat a certain way and I am finding the change to be really challenging.
However, I have lost over 30 pounds since January. I must take stock in this and keep trying. I need to try harder and obtain bigger results. Though at times I want to give up, I never will.
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