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It's "amazing" to slowly become aware of the reasons I eat (without being hungry).
During last days I messed up with food. I felt sick, I guess I have eaten something not so fresh from the canteen at the library. Sometimes I go there to get things done (like applying for jobs or studying for my second specialization). Usually I take food from home, but Wednesday I simply forgot my lunch box at home.
Well, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and today I felt sick to my stomach. The first two days I have eaten just a little and mainly rice and white bread. Today I had cake and sushi but still don't feel good.
Tomorrow (actually in 7 hours) I am supposed to go climbing with some former colleagues. It's been about one and a half years since I went climbing with a rope. But I am still here, not being able to sleep, even after my "natural" sleeping pills.
Yesterday evening I felt so tired and powerless that I started eating junk food. It reminded me so badly of how I feel like after surgery and after my mom died, so I used junk food to numb my pain and emotions.
Today I have eaten also out of boredom/laziness...actually I felt very tired, I even had a spare hour to nap before seeing a friend of mine, but instead of resting I just went on getting things done. It doesn't make any sense whatsoever.
Next time I I feel so tired I will go for a nap.
On Monday I will have the results of the health tests I had on January. I guess it's nothing serious (otherwise they would have called me already), but somehow the big C is always scary.
Last year it started on September, with the first surgery to make sure I didn't have cancer. Then the tests on October and on January for the same reason but other kinds of cancer. I had enough of being scared by doctors...
I think after Monday I will allow myself a few check-up free months.
I also want to change hospital for the check-ups, because they're very rude and brutal giving news and extremely disorganized.
I am writing a list to myself with activities to relieve stress. I love crafting, so in my list there's plenty of painting, sculpting, decorating, coloring. I want to put this list in my office area at home, so when I can't focus or when I feel like eating because I am nervous or bored, I will see the list of alternative behaviors.
What's your favorite alternative behavior/activity to eating?
Have a good weekend you all :-)
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1200 kcal
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Rasva: 65,41g | Prot: 32,29g | Hh: 124,81g.
Lounas: Burro (Salato), Riso Bianco. Päivällinen: Melanzana Cotta, Pomodori Gratinati, Italiamo Tomino Classico. Välipalat/Muut: Miele, Mulino Bianco Pan Di Stelle. lisää...
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1932 kcal
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Harjoitus:
Lepo - 9 tuntia, Nukkuminen - 8 tuntia, Kotityöt - 1 tunti, Istuminen - 6 tuntia. lisää...
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