Päiväkirja - madaboutmoose, 04 loka 11

I am joining Densible's "silly sausage" club. I too am a silly sausage!!

SIGH. My wonderful scale read 212 this morning. Yes. Really. Ugh. Something is amiss. Frustrated? Yes. Disheartened? Yes. Giving up? No.

I took a "rest" day from exercise today. Not that I really wanted to but we stayed up too late last night watching a movie and I thought it might be important to get an extra 45 minutes of sleep rather than exercise. I'm still a little sore today but not as much as the past couple of days.

Hubby has an appt. with the oncology doctor today. A follow-up. We'll find out what his PSA count is and he'll suffer through an examination (oh how he looks forward to that!!). I'm going along. He likes the company and it is a good excuse for working a half day.

I made it through yesterday. Called my hubby for a "pep talk" ... and focused on telling myself positive things, even though I wasn't "feeling" it. Enjoyed a lovely session with a set of almost 3 year old twins I work with ... playing on the floor, pretending without props. Who wouldn't smile at that? A long drive to and from the visit and was able to enjoy how beautiful the scenery was on the drive back into town.

Then I had my half day at my second job. Facilitated my first reflective supervision group via Skype. It went well. Something strange happened to my computer when I got home. It suddenly lost internet connection although my hubby was still connected so it is something with my laptop. Didn't have the time or energy to figure it out last night so I'll have to look at it tonight. If nothing else I'll do a system restore and I'm sure it will be right as rain.

Speaking of rain. It is raining here. I think we have rain in the forecast for the remainder of the work week but Bob says Saturday and Sunday are supposed to be lovely, clear and in the mid 60's. I don't think it supposed to get over 50 today. It is my first day in shoes and socks.

I hadn't talked to my youngest son in quite some time so I called him on my way home from work just to hear his voice. He says to me ... did you hear what happened? No, what happened? He was fired from his job a week and a half ago!! I asked him, "how would I have heard?" Facebook!!! What happened to calling your parents? I calmly told him I don't read every post on facebook. What a bummer. I hope he finds work soon. My youngest is nearly 29 years old.

So ... I like myself. I like myself. I like myself. I like myself!! I love my body, fuller than it has been but still I love it. I crave healthy foods. My body efficiently burns calories and loses weight. I am satisfied with healthy foods. I listen to my body and provide the nutrition it needs to be healthy. I am kind to myself. I take care of myself. I sleep well. Our wood shed is full. I am organized and efficient. I plan well and follow through. I am a successful business woman and entrepreneur. I am an expert in my field. People pay me for my expertise. I am determined. I believe in myself. I perservere. I am financially stable. I earn $100,000 a year. I manage our finances well. I handle strong emotion and conflict calmly.

Practice. I continue to practice. Practice on my "inner" self. Practice patience. Practice diligence. Practice believing. Practice acting "as if." Practice. Practice. Practice.

I am grateful ...

1. We have 3 cords of wood coming, delivered, split, and stacked for $140.00 a cord. That's a good start!!

2. For the joy I experience in my work. It is sometimes very difficult and emotionally exhausting but I also have lovely moments with families, eating imaginary oatmeal from an imaginary bowl with an imaginary spoon and sharing in the delight of two toddlers. They don't see the number on the scale ... it means nothing to them. All they know is "Carol is here to play with us!!" and they are delighted. I must remember those moments.

3. My ability to hear my son's woes and not feel responsible for them nor feel responsible for rescuing him (I can't anyway).

4. The undying support and encouragement I receive from my fellow "silly sausages" here on fat secret. You help me through each and every day!!

5. Sleep has been good!!! It is one thing that has changed. I am grateful for restful sleep.

Yesterday ... my husband told me several times ... "remember I love you" during his "pep talk" to me. "remember who you are" writing it again now and thinking about it moistens my eyes. Whatever it is I'm learning I wish I would figure it out so I could see a decline in my weight. Oh darn. There I do again. Thinking "what am I doing wrong?" Be here in this moment Carol. Be here. Breathe in and out. Believe. Remember. I feel bloated. Breathe. Be still. Listen.

And on the journey goes ...

Time to get to the work of the day ... get ready for my two visits this morning ... see what I can get done before I need to head out the door. Today something wonderful will happen to me!!! I remember. I remember who I am. I am kind to myself. I do believe in myself. And I am grateful ... for this life of mine and the company I share on this journey. Take care ...

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522 kcal

Rasva: 7,52g | Prot: 68,20g | Hh: 46,63g.   Aamiainen: peaches, vanilla almond milk, Body Fortress Whey Protein Powder, banana. Lounas: chicken breast meat, Cottage Cheese. lisää...

2746 kcal

Harjoitus: Toimistotyö - 8 tuntia, Nukkuminen - 8 tuntia, Lepo - 8 tuntia. lisää...