Have you been to the doctor recently? Sometimes getting your cholesterol checked and having a general physical can be a real motivator, especially if your results aren't as good as you would like. If what you've been doing isn't working for you, you have the power to change that. Focusing on your good health rather than the numbers on the scale can really make you feel empowered and in control. Getting away from the cycle of sticking to the plan, cheating, and then beating yourself up for it is not productive and only makes you feel bad about yourself. You deserve better!! Find a focus that makes you feel good and I think that the success you want will follow. Good luck to you.