Päiväkirja - justjenifr, 29 touko 13

Ok, I have always said I'm weird...I'm ok with the fact that I don't think like everyone else...but now I have further proof. I am still living in backwards world, it seems. So Monday, I tried to jump rope for 10 minutes...succeeded in doing 5, not consecutive, minutes before my lungs (I have mild obstructive lung disease) and my left knee (torn meniscus) protested loudly. I was ok with that, I chose to look at the fact that I had pushed myself (my lungs mostly) to the point of 5 minutes of cardio when I'm not supposed to do any at all (I am so tired of doing nothing really and trying to take my lungs back). So I weighed myself on Tuesday and my weight was up 2 tenths of a pound, not much I know. So yesterday was "arms" day at the gym and I forced, and I do mean forced, myself to go even though I felt horrible. So weigh myself this morning and I'm up almost a pound! I know muscle weighs more than fat, and had it been leg day I would have been kind of ok with it...but arm day, please I am an arm weakling. I use machines cause 1 I don't have a spotter and 2 well, I can't even lift the bar on regular weighlifting things. The bar you put the weights on weighs 45lbs...biceps and triceps, I have worked up to 20lbs on the machine or 10lbs if I use dumbbell weights. So thinking that I could put muscle on that much with such a small amount of weight is kind of silly sounding to me. It's not the only place I seem to be backwards either...fiber or things meant to "clean you out" work the complete opposite on me...lol.

Now I don't want to give up on the working out cause I want to be able to do the things that I could do before I got sick...I want the arm strength I was gaining then back...and quite honestly I need that interaction with people...even though no one really speaks to me at the gym (hoping to change that) I need to be around other people...I'm still unemployed and stuck at home all day with just my mother for company and so the gym is where I get the being around other people stuff so I don't go totally nuts. But I don't want to keep gaining weight either. So what is a girl to do?


I know that I can have muscles and not weigh more than my goal weight cause that's how I was in high school. Yes, with my 39th birthday looming I am fully aware that I am not that age any longer. In high school I had very muscular legs thanks to almost 10 years of playing soccer...I could push almost 300lbs with my legs (thank you PE class for having me learn that and having the boys get angry with me because I could push more than they could) so I know I can have muscle tone and still not weigh more than I want to.

I am fighting with myself to not go into the whole do absolutely nothing so I can lose the weight state of mind, but it is tempting...oh so tempting. I keep thinking that I can just do nothing until I get to my target weight and then go back to the gym and I'll be better able to deal with the weight gain cause there's just something about being so close to the 160 number that really gets me down. But I know that that's not healthy for my body or my mind but it's tempting.

Well, I should go and get myself something to eat...today's one of my rest days (Wednesday and Sunday) so that means that it's chore day and I have some chairs seats to recover.

j

72,0 kg Tähän mennessä pudotettu: 0 kg.    Vielä jäljellä: 8,5 kg.    Dieetin noudattaminen: Kohtuullisen hyvin.