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I honestly don't give a f about my enormous weight today. It's all over for me. I wish I had a gun. It's going to be long, drawn out painful death 💀. I suppose I deserve it. I lie to my fiancé all the time. I do whatever it is I want to do. I don't cheat. I'd never be physically unfaithful but am I a good partner? Hell no. I badmouth him to ppl. He can be controlling though. I am a horrible stepmother to his 15 year old son. His son doesn't think so bc I let him do whatever he wants so I'm "pretty cool."
I have no desire to impose my will on anyone else. I don't like restrictions being placed on me. I spend money like crazy and lie about it. I'm lazy as f. I don't do a damn thing but I want what I want. I pretend that I'm nice and sweet but I'm really not. I never deliberately set out to hurt others but it happens. I lie sometimes to spare other people's feelings. I have been depressed and suicidal since age 11 or 12. I'm practically 50 now. It never gets better. For the last couple years I promised myself that suicide wasn't going to be an option anymore but I'm rethinking that now. Maybe I'll just get extremely drunk 😵 tonight. I rarely drink so won't take much. Life sucks. I'm such a child, this entry is nearly identical to my sentiments when I was 14 or 15! 😂 I'm such a pathetic joke.
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68,3 kg
Tähän mennessä pudotettu: 0,6 kg.
Vielä jäljellä: 11,6 kg.
Dieetin noudattaminen: Kohtuullisen hyvin.
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1934 kcal
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Rasva: 70,39g | Prot: 63,83g | Hh: 268,08g.
Aamiainen: Pepsi Pepsi (Can), Coffee with Cream. Lounas: McDonald's Dr. Pepper (Medium), McDonald's Quarter Pounder with Cheese, McDonald's French Fries (Medium). Päivällinen: Cornbread (from Mix), Bean and Ham Soup (Home Recipe). lisää...
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Painonnousu 0,1 kg viikossa
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 Kommentit
Tracey STOP!!!!! The more you beat yourself up, the worse you'll feel. If you don't like the way you are CHANGE! I can tell you, from personal experience, what you eat makes you more depressed. Get off the sugar; it's worse then crack cocaine and GO OUTSIDE!!!!!! The sun is a natural mood elevator. Take a walk, everyday, even if it's only a few minutes, it will help you feel better and you'll be able to fix the things you don't like about yourself. I used to cry and pray for death every night. I eat healthy and I exercise now and I'm HAPPY! YOU CAN DO THIS BUT YOU HAVE TO WANT IT!!!!! Do you want to be happy? You need to make that decision for yourself and NO ONE can make you happy but you! Please, don't give up! ~ Andi
26 touko 17 jäseneltä: Yourpissingmeoff
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Sounds like you are in a challenging place and space. Being here to work on your physical health is great: kudos! Working on mental health is a similar effort. Regular visits to a good therapist may be in order for you (and perhaps your family members) to help with that part of your journey. Like a physical trainer...but for your mind ☺ Keep us posted on all your progress.
28 touko 17 jäseneltä: AgileBee
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Painohistoria - Tracey115
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