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Oh it's a late night feeling sorry for myself sort of night. Hubby continues to have difficulty following the surgery but refuses to call the doctor because "there is nothing they can do." Really? How does he know that??? I know he's worried and having a hard time but it seems to me he makes it harder on himself by refusing to do what the darn hospital told him to do ... call the doctor if you have any problems.
I'm doing my best to stay calm, not get upset with him, just take it a moment at a time but I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin. I was so happy to take a jaunt to town to Walmart just to get out of here this evening for a little bit. If it was only him not feeling well that would be one thing but when he gets like this ... well nothing is right in the world, that pretty much sums it up.
Don't misunderstand. I love him dearly. I'm sure some of you can understand and won't think I'm a horrid woman for venting like this. I don't even want to go to bed ... but I must.
On the bright side we had a much more temperate day today. It was quite lovely actually. I finished my grant review too!!! AND ... I bought myself some MGD64 at the store. 64 calorie beer ... yahoo!!! Much better than 220 calorie Lime-a-Rita's!!! I haven't had one yet though ... it wasn't hot today. But they are in the fridge ready for me whenever I am ready!!
So ... I keep telling myself ... The point is that you feel better when you eat well and exercise. The point is you feel better when you are at a lower weight. The point is that when you eat junky food you feel horrible, you hurt, you have heartburn, you are unhappy. The questions keep creeping back into my head (Is this the rest of my life? Is this going to get worse?) I have not been really happy for quite some time. These past few years are wearing on me. I am lonely. I am tired. And when I am feeling like this it is difficult to keep my chin up.
But ... life is challenging. This I know. And I do have much to be grateful for, truly I do. So ... I'm going to get off my duff and get myself to bed and sleep. Tomorrow is another day. I'm going to "still" myself and let God be in control. I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself. I'm going to remember what I have ... instead of focusing on what I do not have.
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1551 kcal
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Rasva: 89,31g | Prot: 128,60g | Hh: 60,28g.
Aamiainen: Sliced Hickory Smoked Boneless Ham, White American Cheese, Egg. Lounas: Original Iceberg Garden Salad (Zip), chunky caesar, Cottage Cheese (Lowfat 2% Milkfat), Chicken Breast Meat (Broilers or Fryers) , Boiled Egg. Päivällinen: Mayonnaise Best Food's, white american cheese, Ground Beef (95% Lean / 5% Fat) . Välipalat/Muut: Fudgsicle No Sugar Added Fudge Bars. lisää...
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2790 kcal
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Harjoitus:
Lepo - 8 tuntia, Nukkuminen - 8 tuntia, Toimistotyö - 8 tuntia. lisää...
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 Kommentit
Carol, thanks for opening up to us. Today is new day and I'm sure, with God in control, it will be a better day for you. Maybe your DH just needs a couple of days to see how things shake out, before going to the docs. I'm sure he will at some point. In the interim, maybe you could suggest a quick phone call to the docs to see if what he's feeling is expected. Maybe he'd be amenable to that? You're rocking the food/exercise activities. Keep it up. And be happy. I'm so happy you're here with us. Each journal from you is a blessing.
15 heinä 12 jäseneltä: Helewis
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Hi Carol, I can identify totally with your feelings, but happiness is a state of mind. If you had all the things you wish you had then something else would pop up to to cause worry. You just have to find the difference between those things you can strive to change and those that you can't.
A tetchy DH is not easy to cope with but its a lot, lot better than the alternative and the guilt when they are no longer there about the irritation you felt when they were irritable and difficult is immense and the loneliness is crushing. Take heart from the fact that he feels he is able to let his feelings out with you.
I smiled when I read how you feel better when you eat healthily and exercise. Most of us here know that really well - so how come we just ignore it and do the opposite? Its a bit like knowing it will hurt if you stick a pin in your finger but doing it anyway!
Trust your instincts, smile and......breathe.......
15 heinä 12 jäseneltä: flaxseed
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Carol, first of all I hope you got some sleep last night. I understand how you are feeling. You have been dealing and dealing well for a long long time. Your life has changed so much and yet you forge on and cope. I know how difficult this has been for you and how sad but trust that although the situation may not change your feelings will and before long you will be the same Carol. As you put it in many journals over the years you are just in a funk and this too will pass. You are a strong loving woman who just is feeling a little overwhelmed right now. Please take care and you know where I am whenever you need me. Hugs!!!
15 heinä 12 jäseneltä: chattycathy1955
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Morning gril friend..its frustrating I know..when you feel helpless about what your DH is going through and they get stubborn on ya..I have had to change my attitude with such things and it helps..we can't live for others..and we have to let them find their own way..you were right in getting out of the house..I have to do that to..and as Cathy said you have had to deal with alot but you still go on..Take care of you...hope today is better and you can smile about something..Hugs..:O)
15 heinä 12 jäseneltä: BHA
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I tell you truly, each of your comments means so much to me. I know that each of you speak truly from your hearts. I don't know what today will bring ... but I know it will be here ... whatever it is and another day will arrive. One of the struggles is sorting out what is about me and what is not about me. So many feelings all at the same time. I often tell my clients feelings aren't "wrong" or "right" they just are and that it is best not to make decisions based solely on feelings, especially when they are fresh. And so ... therapist ... heal thyself?!! Guess I need to listen to my own counsel. I did sleep, woke to a huge thunderstorm, and am getting ready to exercise, even though the scale went up, again. Thank you all. It is wonderful to have friends.
15 heinä 12 jäseneltä: madaboutmoose
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Painohistoria - madaboutmoose
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