Päiväkirja - madaboutmoose, 28 elo 10

Good morning!

All is well in the wilds of Idaho this morning. Fall is definitely in the air ... I'm going to have to start wearing my slippers in the house ... my feet are cold!

Yesterday's shopping marathon was fun and tiring all wrapped up into one! I was hoping to find a new pair of black heels, sandals and I did on the clearance rack at Famous Footwear. I found some inexpensive "date night" clothes at Forever21 ... which I fear will not be pictured or modeled here ... not sure I want a picture of me in a short skirt or skin tight pants on the internet!! LOL!! I modeled all the clothes for Bob and he gave me an enthusiastic thumbs up ... so that will have to suffice for all you who may be curious!!

Then I stopped at TJ Max. I made the mistake of looking at shoes. I found a pair of Nine West boots that I fell in love with. They are made of all man made materials in a stretchy sort of fabric and they come all the way up on my knees!!! Oh I fell in love with them. I couldn't believe how thin my ankles looked. They usually retail for $95.00 and were marked for $49.99 ... more than I wanted to spend but I couldn't fight the temptation. I told Bob (on my way home) that if he thought they were too much or didn't like them I would return them. Bless his heart ... when I tried them on he said ... oh no, you are keeping those!!

I also bought him a couple of long-sleeve knit shirts at Macy's. Those darn hormone suppressant shots he is on has caused him to gain weight and he struggles with finding comfortable clothes to wear out. They were not on sale but were only twenty dollars each.

The final topper of the evening was going to a take-out wing place and bringing home wings and coleslaw for dinner!!! I had taken my 'normal' workday food with me for shopping so I had consumed my 'regular' food all day. Those wings and coleslaw were unbelievably good!! I ate more than I probably actually needed but enjoyed every single delectable bite!!

Tonight is 'date night' and we have plans to go out. I'll of course be trying out those new boots and/or heels!!! Other than that just the same old tasks, laundry, exercise, bits of housework.

I am grateful today for ...

1. a husband who supports my love of high heeled boots!

2. putting on a skin tight dress and feeling attractive!

3. enjoying eating

4. the fun of planning a vacation, checking out the area on the internet, beginning to think about how the sun will feel in the middle of winter ...

5. learning how to enjoy my accomplishments ... focusing on what I like about me instead of what I 'wish' was different!!

Truthfully ... I do practice being kind to myself and celebrating what I like about myself every day. I have to. My automatic pilot is set on 'feel less than', 'strive for perfection', 'beat up on yourself.' The autopilot goes into action in full force when I am stressed or not feeling well. That is normal for all of us. I still have thoughts though that sneak in there even when I am feeling good. When I have something atypical to eat and I am fully enjoying it ... I have moments of 'uh-oh' and find myself wanting to avoid the scale. I acknowledge the thought and then push on. I still get on the scale. I make a conscious effort to accept. I fight those negative thoughts by re-framing them, dismissing them, and moving on.

I imagine this will happen the rest of my life. That's okay with me! I know that over time it becomes more natural. The more I practice the easier it gets. It's kind of like exercise. I don't always 'enjoy' it but I have made it part of my routine. Once I get going I always feel better, physically and mentally. And so it is the same with my self-talk.

The cool thing about getting older is you gain the opportunity to have more perspective. I can think back to times when I truly felt the world was going to end in my life. When I wasn't sure I could go on ... life was particularly challenging at times. I remember loved ones in my life encouraging me, reassuring me, listening to me oh so patiently. They were right. I learned that I cannot let my feelings determine my actions. I learned that feelings just 'are' ... they aren't 'right' or 'wrong' they just are and they change. I learned that being in the moment with them is an okay thing. It didn't mean I was 'weak' or 'bad' or 'crazy.' I am very grateful for being able to know that more fully now. I am very grateful for everyone who was willing to walk beside me during those painful times.

This place provides those opportunities to us now. We can share with each other our joys and our pains. We can walk beside each other, listening, supporting, encouraging, and challenging each other. We are each others' witnesses. It offers MORE than a weight loss chart, a calorie calculator, and diet tips. It offers a community ... for those who chose to embrace it.

So again I must thank you all from the bottom of my heart for being my community. For taking the time to write about your journeys, and taking the time to read and comment. For risking telling a little of your inner self to us. For being brave enough to share your feelings, even if they aren't 'pretty.' There is power you cannot possibly imagine to being 'real', being 'authentic', being mindful and conscious about more than just the food you put in your mouths.

I know I tend to go on and on! LOL!!! I can't help it!!!! It truly is my therapy. I am speaking to myself. And it works!!! Have a good enough day today and everyday!!! Continue to practice kindness towards yourself and you will reap the benefits ... you'll see in time ... sometimes it takes a while to see (months, years, decades!!! LOL!!). But with any luck we each have months, years, and decades in front of us ... what do we have to lose? A few pounds, inches, and the inner feeling that we 'never' measure up. Take care!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

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