Päiväkirja - madaboutmoose, 12 marras 10

Carol Just keep coming back here. You need to regroup and make a new plan. Other than watching what you are eating and logging it you need to have a new exercise plan or something different that excites and motivates you again. You can do this. I know you can. Start small and when you start just say to yourself you are doing it to be healthy. Do not expect quick results, just keep doing it anyway. Little by little day by day. You will get there again. Remember we are all on this journey together. I hope your hubby will start to feel better soon. I know that this is a hard decision to make knowing he likes you to be home. All I can say is follow your heart. If you don't you won't be happy. 

Its good to see you back here. I know just what you mean about not being able to do it. I seem to be doing one good day and god knows how many really bad ones. I'm scared to stand on the scale. I know just how hard it is to to see your OH struggle and the guilt they suffer when you don't do something to be with them. We just have to keep on trying because giving up isn't an option. We can do it. ((Hugs)) 

Stehen Levine, Buddhist teacher, says that hell is wanting to be somewhere different from where you are. Being one place and wanting to be somewhere else. Being constantly agitated about the inevitable. Wanting life to be different from what it is. And I am thankful to author Geneen Roth for this insight: "As long as I believe that pain is bigger than me, as long as I define being open and vulverable to annihilation, I believe in an image of myself: that I am someone who can be annihilated. And when I believe this, I bolt from different situations by engaging in various mind-altering and body-numbing activities. I shut myself down or walk out the door when pain threatens to destroy me--which is in any situation that involves another human being or whose outcome I cannot control." Who are we really??? We are the person that is not our past, not our habits, not our compulsions. We are learning to cope in ways that are healthy and nurturing to us. And so, anything is possible!!! IMHO you are making awesome choices today and coping bravely, friend. That's radical. ;-) 

PS. I also visited your journal yesterday. You're in my thoughts and prayers. ;-) 

Carol ~ I understand your feelings and how hard it is to get back into the groove. I had a brief moment myself a short while ago and was not being at all careful what went into my mouth. I finally "forced" myself to stop the nonsence and begin again. And, I mean forced! Here are some words for you from an inspirational artist, Bonnie Mohr................"Life is not a race _ but indeed a journey. Be honest. Work hard. Be choosy. Say "thank you", "I Love You" and "great job" to someone each day. Go to church, take time for prayer. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh. Let your handshake mean more than pen and paper. Love your life and what you've been given, it is not accidental ~ search for your purpose and do it as best you can. Dreaming does matter. It allows you to become that which you aspire to be. Laugh often. Appreciate the little things in life and enjoy them. Some of the best things really are free. Do not worry, less wrinkles are more becoming. Forgive, it frees the soul. Take time for yourself - plan for longevity. Recognize the special people you've been blessed to know. Love for today, enjoy the moment". .............I know this is long Carol, but I think it is very meaningful. You CAN do this and you WILL. Take that first baby step and the other foot will follow. Pretty soon you will be running again. I am so glad you are here and we want to help you get back where you belong. I hope your weekend is stupendous! 

Gee ... thanks buddies!!! I appreciate the comments. They give me something to ponder and will help me remember ... reground myself. It is rather foolish to be upset by the scale. It is what it is ... it doesn't really mean much of anything other than I've been eating too much. It doesn't mean I've failed. It doesn't mean I am "bad." It is amazing how easily I can find myself in that space. Quite disturbing actually. This moment is what is most important. You are all so deeply appreciated. I hope you can feel it!! 

My first thought before I read any of the other buddies...comment to you is...Don't panic! We all have been there done that so many times in our lives and know it is easy to do but easy to reverse because we know how to use this support system and surround ourselves with inspirational kind buddies who are all doing the same thing which is making the effort to take care of ourselves because we are so worth the effort...you are on the leading edge right now Moose, Show 'em how we do it..you are amazing and can turn it around during the holiday months and will be so much stronger when the New Year is here! TOWANDA!!! p.s. I am grateful to have you as my buddy.....:)  

*hugs* You're going through a stressful phase right now, you need to focus on YOU, not the scale. Sure, it's frustrating but you took the 15 off before and you can and WILL again. Do what you need to do, get yourself centered, and try again. We're all here for you.  

Carol, I am so sorry that this is such a difficult spell for you right now. It can be so hard to get back into the groove when we are struggling, and I have been there so many times, I cannot even begin to tell you. I have spells where I eat when I'm sad, I eat when someone else is sad, I eat when I'm bored.....I eat, eat, eat!!! It can be so hard, but it always comes back to the same thing...I am punishing myself for something that I have no control over. I am so unhappy, and there is all that great "comfort" food, and I eat and eat and eat trying to find my happy place, and the more I eat the more miserable I become. It becomes a battle between my head, heart, and stomach. Eventually I dig my way out of the ding dong packages, sandwich bags, potato chip bags, twinkie boxes, donut boxes, and candy bar wrappers, long enough to think "What the hell am I doing???" Sometimes that stops the insanity, but at other times I am so lost in my own despair that it continues on and on. I have found that in those times, I need a good talking to....by me. I have control over every single aspect of my diet, even when I cannot control anything else. I can make wise choices, I can pass up that candy, snack cake, ice cream, donut....all of it, and when I don't pass it up I am making a concious choice to eat what SOUNDS like it will make me feel good, instead of what I KNOW will make me feel good. It is so scary for me everytime I feel myself going in that direction again. It is like a runaway horse that I really have to keep a very tight rein on...as long as I do, I am fine, but if I give it it's head...it is gone at a full gallop in a flash! I will be saying some extra prayers for you. You are so sweet and such a wonderful person. Practice some extra kindness to yourself, and soon I know that you will be back on track...As for the 15 pounds, well as you said, it is what it is, and it could be so much worse...my last dark spell I gained 80 pounds. At least you surfaced before it got too bad. Have a wonderful evening, and know that we are all right here if you need us. I am glad that you are my buddy!  

I am indeed a blessed woman to have such wonderful friends.