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Day 436
Today I am grateful ....
1. Hubby's PSA is down to 1.8 ... not as low as we would like but still a very respectable drop and the radiation oncologist says it could still drop lower
2. Friends who love me even when I am struggling, when I am not terribly optimistic, when I feel I am not at my 'best'
3. reigning in my panic about my weight ... knowing deep down inside I know exactly what to do
4. a decent night's sleep and no pain in my head this morning when I awoke
5. life. I AM grateful for life, though at times it is difficult, though at times I am not 'happy', though things don't work out the way I want them to, I AM grateful for MY life and the abundant blessings I have ...
My brains have felt like scrambled eggs here lately. I've been very emotional, not feeling like myself, teary over nothing in particular, and fighting a slightly panicked feeling in my gut ... anxious I guess. I think some of it really is the rash of migraines I just got through ... I believe it really does mess with my brain chemistry. I too think is the accumulation of stress over time ... I am not superwoman.
I didn't eat much during the day yesterday. We had a follow-up appointment with the radiation oncologist yesterday. I has been a month since radiation ended. His PSA is down to 1.8. The doctor is pleased ... but I know they would like it under 1. I can't remember how high it was in September but I remember it was double digits. He goes back in three months for another PSA test. In the interim, I am realizing that I must learn how to live WITH cancer. It isn't going away. I didn't really think it would but I think I am realizing that this really is going to be a part of our everyday life from here on out.
So, we stopped at Burger Heaven on the way home. I had a double cheeseburger and shared chili-cheese fries. Then we stopped at Safeway and I bought a single piece of cake and an individual serving of ice-cream and ate that too. AND (as if the above wasn't enough) I had homemade sourdough toast ... with butter of course. So ... of course the scale is up. What was I thinking???
Today is NOW and I know what to do. I exercised this morning, I'll drink my water, I still have more than a week before Mexico. Just get back in my groove and relax.
So, my buddies ... life goes on. Time for another cup of coffee and diving into my work. Oh ... I know my chart doesn't reflect a gain. I'll catch it up eventually ... I'm not in denial so no worries there ... just not ready to put it in.
Take care of yourselves ...
Näytä dieettikalenteri, 30 maaliskuuta 2010:
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1293 kcal
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Rasva: 26,35g | Prot: 66,64g | Hh: 218,08g.
Aamiainen: butter, large egg, Lite Jarlsberg, 100 Calorie Multigrain English Muffin, Fiber One, water. Lounas: white turkey meat, Whole Wheat Sandwich Thins, Jarlsberg Lite, apple, Weight Watchers Yogurt. Päivällinen: Lean Cuisine Baked Chicken. Välipalat/Muut: green grapes, craisins, banana, Orange. lisää...
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3140 kcal
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Harjoitus:
Toimistotyö - 9 tuntia, Ajaminen - 2 tuntia, Precor Elliptical - 52 minuuttia, Lepo - 4 tuntia ja 8 minuuttia, Nukkuminen - 8 tuntia. lisää...
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 Kommentit
I'm sorry that you have been going through this period moose, I know that the migraines are murder. Life in general is difficult, any adult who tells you the contrary is probably not telling the whole truth. It's only the stages and the specific manner of the suffering that differs. No one is exempt from pain, and many of the things that you describe, in time, will undoubtedly come to us all. I'm sure that you knew from the beginning that you alone were not exempt. "reigning in my panic about my weight:" You don't want to deal with that one yet I see (lol). I don't see any recent weigh-ins. Well, that has to be done *your* way or it's no good. What possible good does that Burger Heaven double cheeseburger (and chili cheese fries!) do you. Come on moose, we are not that weak. Do what you have to do and place your focus on the good things that are coming at you! Try to have a good day my friend. :-)
30 maalis 10 jäseneltä: information
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Wouldn't it be great if we could all have that perfect life that they show in all Disney movies? Would be nice.... but alas it doesn't happen. I think your handeling it all wonderfully though! Just try and stay away from the bad foods, because you know that eventhough they make you happy while your eating it, in the longrun, the gain will upset you.
30 maalis 10 jäseneltä: MomofTwoGirls
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Yes, I am trying to get to Movieville too! Where do all those people keep their trash? I think the only people with bathrooms on TV are selling toothpaste, and the only people with trash have a dog who will be dragging the trash around before the end of the movie! And not many people are overweight there either! I do understand about the cheeseburger - but you can get it together and do the right thing - lately I have been indulging in my favorite fat foods but throwing away the part that is Too Many Calories - half a fish-filet and half a box of Fries is HALF the CALORIES!
30 maalis 10 jäseneltä: abbadabba
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Moose, I am sorry things are feeling so crushing right now. Unfortunately, I think we all know what that feels like. As usual, I will just ask you to please be kind to yourself. And that includes not returning to the habit of bad food when you feel bad, particularly since it just makes you feel so much worse later. Forgive yourself for struggling and just ease back towards the path. We're here and it will get better. ((((((hugs)))))
30 maalis 10 jäseneltä: erikag
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So far so good today!! Hubby and I actually discussed being 'back on track' today ... and so far I am. I will continue to. Of course you are all correct and the extra calorie laden food doesn't really make me feel better in the long haul!!! I have 11 days until I fly to Mexico ... much can be repaired in 11 simple days. Hey ... at least I didn't get heartburn!!!
30 maalis 10 jäseneltä: madaboutmoose
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Lol Moose that is a good thing. Life is tough and some days and periods of our lives are tougher than others. Believe me I can relate, but through it all you have listed 5 wonderful things that you are grateful for. Good for you. I am glad your husbands numbers are better and hope they get better yet. You have 11 days to get back on track and I know you can do it. Just imagine the beautiful beaches and how happy you and your husband will be to spend some quality time together. Take care of yourself tonight.
30 maalis 10 jäseneltä: chattycathy1955
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Thanks Cathy!!! I'm going to be careful with snacks tonight. I'll feel better if I get back on track with my eating. I KNOW that!!! Just wish the darn tax return would arrive!!
30 maalis 10 jäseneltä: madaboutmoose
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One day of greasy-spoon vittles isn't a problem - it's doing that day after day after day. And the new you would NEVER let that happen. Glad you are feeling back on track! Oh, and WONDERFUL NEWS about Billy-Bob's numbers! :)
30 maalis 10 jäseneltä: amryk
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Yes ... Billy-Bob's numbers were good!!! I've been a good girl so far today ... still the evening ahead of me. I'm thinking I need to borrow some of Info's mojo ... he sure has it going on these days!!!
30 maalis 10 jäseneltä: madaboutmoose
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I reckon Info should market his mojo and discipline. I'm sure there'd be so many of us buying it he'd be a millionaire in no time - unless he's one already. Glad the PSA level is well down - you may find you'll be judjing things by a different number now instead of the scale. Learning to live with cancer is not an easy road to ride but its far easier if you have everything else under control. Look at it as something like a picture on the wall that you know is there but don't think about or notice all the time and don't let it colour and bring stress to your life. As someone who devoured a whole loaf plus butter, I know I'm a great one to talk but I do try. It doesn't seem to matter whether the news is good or not so good, a binge of some sort seems to follow. Keep on that wagon and look forward to Mexico my friend.
31 maalis 10 jäseneltä: flaxseed
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Painohistoria - madaboutmoose
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